#ThinkfullyHabit: Agree to disagree
Conflict can feel really uncomfortable, unprofessional and unproductive. Yet, avoiding conflict can come at the expense of understanding a situation more deeply. Conflict can help clarify issues and lead to better outcomes. After all, it’s the grit that makes the pearl.
“If we are all in agreement on the decision - then I propose we postpone further discussion of this matter until our next meeting to give ourselves time to develop disagreement and perhaps gain some understanding of what the decision is all about. ”
WHY?
Psychologists identify four different conflict responses. First, there’s the passive ‘anything for a quiet life’ response. Second, there’s the aggressive ‘fight or flight’ response. Then there’s the passive-aggressive ‘aggression under cover’ response. Finally there’s the assertive response, which differs to the aggressive response in one important way - it’s not trying to win the point or the argument. It's about putting the seduction of being right to one side in favour of bringing different perspectives and considerations into view.
Peter Drucker, largely considered to be the founder of modern management, noted that the first rule in decision-making should be that,“one should not make a decision without disagreement.” Researchers who study conflict within teams have concluded that it is productive as long as people steer clear of personal and emotional aspects of conflict. When conflict focusses on the task or issue, it can act as a safeguard against the dreaded groupthink. In fact, its presence is a good indicator that diverse viewpoints are being considered.
Next time you’re debating a complex situation, here’s a few things to hold in mind:
Understanding alternative views more deeply doesn’t require you to believe in them more.
Give up on generalisations. These create automatic stalemates. Unpack the nitty gritty and specifics of a situation to find ideas that make it through.
Say how you feel without enacting the emotion of how you feel. Or even, find humour to lighten the emotion, ‘it’s the yeast that makes the bread rise’.
Play devil’s advocate. It creates a safe way to air opposing opinions.
Conflict can help deepen understanding, explore issues afresh and create more valuable results. That’s worth giving someone a piece of your mind.